Why It’s OK To Voice The Negative

David Morten

"At the age of thirty, I never expected to have a stroke. Unfortunately, that is exactly what happened, and a slew of other struggles soon presented themselves during my recovery. As a highly creative writer, I chose to use my skills to help other people in a similar situation so that we can all feel less alone during the aftermath of having a stroke at a young age."

It has been almost eighteen months since I had my stroke, and many people would expect that life has returned to normal. From the outside, that certainly seems to be true.

While many things in my life are much better than they were when I first left the hospital in November 2022, the reality is that some things will always be a struggle. Take for example the fact that my first goal for the new year involved running again.

When I originally came up with this idea, I assumed that it would be difficult to get going again, but things would slowly improve once my fitness levels rose, like normal.

Fortunately, I had been correct. Starting to run again was easy once I got the hang of things. For all of January, and most of February, I was able to go to the park and jog slowly around the football pitch ten times.

However, I was soon humbled when attempting to increase this number of laps to fifteen.

Like many stroke survivors, I suffer from fatigue. It normally occurs when I overexert myself or do not get enough rest, and my bouts of fatigue have slowly grown further apart the further along I get in my recovery. Therefore, I naturally assumed that my fatigue was much better when I didn’t feel so bad after a run.

Sadly, this wasn’t the case, as I was hit by one really bad bout of fatigue at the end of February, and it lasted one entire week. As a result, my next trip to the park for a jog was much more difficult, and I could barely manage five laps before giving up. All my fitness that had been built up over the weeks was gone, and all my hard work wiped out. Plus, I had started to notice two people had begun to sit on a bench and laugh at me on the mornings I went to the park as I tried to get back into running, something that obviously looks weird as I now limp with more of a gallop.

This, and my increasing fatigue levels caused me to stop this positive step, and I fell into a deep depression. Suddenly, things in my life began to become clearer. After what felt like a string of good days last year during recovery had now turned into another string of bad days, as more limitations come to light.

Whenever I have felt low in the past, I normally play my guitar or draw something to pass the time. However, my stroke has left me with no fine motor skills in my left hand, and so I can no longer do the things I enjoy.

What’s more, I lost my full-time job last September, and have been able to work part-time in a Freelance capacity ever since; a move that has taken me back to where my career started.

It is also looking like I will never work as a full-time writer again due to my stroke, as many people have questioned my ability to work as I cannot type as fast as I used to, and many potential employers severely question my ability to commute to an office space when I walk as slowly, as I do.

If anyone who suffers with poor mental health already knows, having other people constantly point out your limitations, or misinterpret your needs is far from helpful. The TV host, Richard Osman, said it best in an interview I found on Tik Tok.

“People who are different do not need to be told they are different. Chances are, they have heard everything you have to say already.”

I bring this statement up as I have now received a disabled parking badge and have lost count of the number of times someone I do not know has approached me to call me a fraud for not needing one. I also still get a lot of people telling me that I do not need my stick, or that I’m not actually disabled. People are entitled to believe what they want, but again, how does saying things like that help anyone? Especially when you do not know the struggles that person is dealing with.

I am still very lucky to have the unending support from my wife, but even I can tell that she is also sick of the circumstances we have found ourselves in. Before my stroke, we were about to get married, were planning a family, and I was in a good place in my career while planning a new creative project I’d always wanted to attempt.

Now, life is so different from what it was, and many of those plans have either been scrapped or are very far away. It may appear that this post is nothing more than a long rant, and that is mostly because it is. However, the point of all this is to point out just how difficult this time has been, and to hopefully show that stroke recovery isn’t just physical. My goals and plans for 2024 have now changed, and they are likely to change again by the end of the year.

That’s OK, though. I also hope this post encourages more stroke survivors to voice their true feelings, even if they are negative.

Talking always helps.

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