I vaguely remember the confusion, the panicked telephone call, the ambulance journey and the time spent in A & E.  Other than that, I have no real memory of how I ended up in a bed in a small room, on a hospital ward.

I woke up feeling groggy, and sure that something major was wrong.  I have since found out that I had contracted encephalitis over a week before and had been on mind-bending drugs for most of the time since then.  I had been allowed home, but one day later I was back.

“You’ve had a stroke” is the first thing I heard, and then I heard myself making funny noises trying to speak for the first time, not realising half of my mouth couldn’t move!  I Instinctively tried to move all my limbs and…………..nothing, and then I descended into depression, as I realised for the first time that half of my body no longer worked.

The nurse left the room to leave me dealing with the bombshell that had just been dumped on me.

“What about work?”
“Will I need a wheelchair?”
“How will I drive?”
“Can I still have sex?”

The questions kept coming, but the answers evaded me.

Visiting time arrived, as did the concerned friends and family, and from the looks on their faces, and the muttered conversations out of earshot, I realised that I was in a right pickle.

When they left, I desperately wanted to leave with them, and not be stuck in this nightmare that had been thrust upon me.  Even though things looked bleak I tried to cheer myself up by telling myself that I was a winner, I was alive………not everyone has lived through a stroke.  But no matter how much I tried to find the positives I found none.

Then, being typically practical, I asked myself “Where do you go from here?”, and scenario after scenario went through my mind.  All of them pictured a life that I did not want.  The one I had was perfect; a beautiful wife, a highly paid job, a lovely house and car, and holiday apartments abroad.  I had lived the dream, and now was having a nightmare.  It was further compounded when I found out that as a result of the stroke, I was now an epileptic.

The medical experts arrived to explain to me in detail what the stroke had done to me, and how they were going to put plans into place to aid my recovery.  I was going to need physiotherapy, speech therapy, and many other therapies to help me deal with the extensive brain damage that I had been left with.

Whilst dealing with the doctors I found out that I had also developed a stammer as a result of the stroke, which at the time I was upset about, but I have since found out that my communication skills could have been damaged much further.  I found out that the stroke had killed off a huge part of my brain, and I was going to have to train other bits of it to take over, to regain what I had lost.”

The above is an extract of the introduction from the book I have written ‘You’ve had a stroke – the essential recovery handbook’, which I found a very cathartic exercise.  I wrote the book mainly as it gave me something to take my mind away from the panic and anxiety I was experiencing between the epileptic seizures that I was ‘enjoying’ as a result of my stroke.

I also wrote the book to summarise all the ‘essential’ information that I had amassed by myself, (as I was ignorant of all the help available).  If I was ignorant of the facts, I was sure others would be also, and they may pay me!  That was the start of my helping other stroke survivors, I’ll not lie, I was driven by a possible financial gain (but after a lifetime as an accountant, I was 51,  what else could I do?).  I’d fallen in with the wrong crowd when I was young, and ended up as a Chartered Accountant, spending a lifetime advising those with more than enough pay less than their fair share to society.

Since then I have changed my values, and am pleased to assist for nothing, and find that I’m enjoying life more.  I’ve turned into a nice guy!  I set up and help run both the Carlisle Different Strokes Group and Carlisle Epilepsy Action Group.  As a result, I have met, and enjoy the company of, some amazing people.

We’ve all encountered misfortune and are helping each other get out of it.  My stroke was a stroke of luck, and those close to me agree, as it has had a positive effect on my personality.  I accept that my stroke has had a major impact on me, and I make the best of what I have.

I’ve no wish to go back!