On Christmas Eve 2018 I celebrated my 50th birthday, and a few days later I had a party, with a band and lots of friends.  It was a great night and I was quite excited about being 50 and had planned to make the following year a good one!

On Wednesday 13th March of that year, at about 9pm, I was sat watching TV and texting my friend when I suddenly started to feel unwell.  My husband Steve’s response was “You are always feeling unwell!” – but I needed him to take me seriously though as I felt like I was being spun violently and as though I was going to fall from my chair.  It was really scary and Steve could see I was distressed.  My left arm started waving around uncontrollably and I really didn’t know what was going on, but I remember being very frightened.  I was able to speak, albeit it like I was drunk, and an ambulance was called.  As we live way out “in the sticks” the ambulance took 40 minutes.  I remember when the ambulance crew came in (there were three) they made my little cottage feel very small all of a sudden, with their green uniforms and bags – it’s strange the things you remember.

The ambulance guy suspected straight away I’d suffered a stroke (or possibly I’d got an ear infection) although my Steve was convinced and told the ambulance man I’d overdosed on chocolate!  That still makes me chuckle to this day, bless him.  I have been overweight all my life and always on a diet, and on that particular evening I’d (yet again) broken my diet with a bag of chocolate.  I was able to walk to the ambulance with assistance, but I was very weak and dizzy and had started to vomit violently – in my heart of hearts I knew I’d had a stroke but I couldn’t tell Steve that, he was already so worried.

The ambulance man telephoned ahead to the hospital and asked for a stroke specialist to meet us at the hospital.  All the way to the hospital I cried and was constantly sick.  Steve couldn’t come with me as our 13-year-old daughter couldn’t be left.  I have never been so scared in my whole life, I thought I was going to die – I really did!

On arrival at the hospital, which by then was quite late, perhaps gone 11pm, I was examined by a doctor who said she was sure it wasn’t a stroke, (although I knew it was).  I remember having to sit up to have a chest X-ray but every time I put my head up, I vomited again.  It was really quite undignified, and I felt quite unhelpful not being able to do as they asked me!

Eventually, I was put on an interim ward I was there all-day Thursday.  I couldn’t eat, could barely drink and I think I slept for 90% of the day.  I couldn’t walk and couldn’t hold anything with my left hand.  Through the day I was taken for several scans.  I was really upset because I’d slept in the same clothes I’d had on from the day before, so I was paranoid that I smelt, and I was worried about that more than anything!

Thursday morning Steve had taken our daughter to my parents.  He hadn’t told the school, so I received a text asking me where she was.  I couldn’t reply and neither could I reply to texts from people asking what had happened and how was I?!  We live in a village, so the Ambulance arrival soon got around.  Steve was on autopilot so didn’t pack anything for me, so my mum had packed a bag of her things.  She was two sizes smaller than me so I still couldn’t change although.  Actually I could barely lift my head from the pillow because I was so very tired and exhausted and needed to sleep.  I could only rest my head one way, as the other way caused violent dizziness.

At 5.30 Friday morning I was awoken by a doctor who told me that my scan had confirmed I had suffered a stroke (I told him I’d known that from day one!).  I was then told I’d be moved to the stroke ward as soon as possible.

Friday was a blur.  I was still in Wednesday’s clothes and I definitely smelt.  I remember feeling so embarrassed and self-conscious, but I couldn’t ask for help!  I didn’t want to be a burden to anyone – I was really, really embarrassed and emotional.  I’m fiercely independent, so asking for any help was NOT going to happen.  Thankfully Steve arrived, and he obviously knew then it was a stroke by then because I’d never seen him look more upset and worried as he did on that day and we’ve been married for nearly 17 years!  Thankfully though he was able to help me into a nightdress, and although all I wanted to do was shower, I couldn’t do this independently, so I still didn’t have one!  He confirmed I smelt (love him)!  My consultant prescribed Atorvastatin and Clopidogrel, which I religiously now take daily.  I bruise like a peach and constantly look like I’ve done several rounds with Tyson Fury!

I had actually started feeling human again later that day.  A friend had come to see me and we’d just both cried.  I was then able to walk unaided, albeit slowly and carefully, so I got a shower too!

By Saturday I just wanted to go home.  I was the youngest person in the ward and there were some very, very poorly patients, most of whom were elderly.  I was given a few tests, such as climbing stairs, etc., and I was able to go home.

When I got home, I really didn’t quite know what had just happened.  I wasn’t able to drive so I started walking everywhere.  I really was not prepared for the fatigue.  It was so very debilitating.  I was sleeping an extra 1-3 hours a day.  I have three horses so I had to walk to see to them, and to be honest, if it weren’t for them, I’m not sure if I would have left the house.  I just started to walk more and more. I felt quite abandoned by the hospital if I’m honest.  I was so scared it would happen again and I stopped going out socially as I struggled with my speech and the fatigue.  I had to contact the hospital after about 6 weeks.  I’d heard nothing and I didn’t know why I’d had the stroke and if it was going to happen again – TOP TIP! Don’t read about it on the internet, that scared me half to death!  Eventually, after several tests I was diagnosed with a hole in my heart.  I would have had it since birth, but obviously 50 years ago and as I was born at home, I didn’t receive the sort of scans etc., that babies have now.  I am waiting to hear when I get the hole plugged, but apparently I’m not to hold my breath as it that might take years, if at all!

I have had such support from family and friends.  If it happened again though I’d ask for more help.  I was trying to be a martyr and I shouldn’t have been.

Since the stroke, I’ve started to suffer anxiety and down days (I don’t want to call it depression, but I guess it is).  I’ve had hypnotherapy (fantastic) and I’m on medication for it too.  When I had the stroke, I was signed up to a slimming club and I continued to go, but I really struggled with the meetings and actually even the food preparation, so I left.  I wanted to deal with the weight and getting myself back on track all by myself, so I did.  I researched brain recovery and diets and exercise and started intermittent fasting along with Couch to 5k.  I’m not going to lie; it’s not been easy.  However, the reward is feeling confident, feeling well, and just generally feeling determined to get fit and healthy.  There is nothing more crystallising than thinking you could have died.  I ran my first 5k in November, 8 months after my stroke, and by December I’d lost nearly 4 stone.  I feel on top of the world that this negative and frightening experience has turned my life around for good!

Tomorrow, Friday 13th March will be exactly a year since that awful day.  I am not the person I was, but I’ve changed for the good.  I’m fit, I’m healthy and I’m stronger willed than ever before!  Much to Steve’s worry, I’ve actually signed up to run a marathon in July 2020, (Exe Estuary Marathon).  I’m training hard, but thought the icing on the cake would be to get sponsorship and what better charity than Different Strokes?  Since my stroke, I’ve done a lot of research.  I didn’t realise quite how many young people have strokes.  I follow several on Instagram and their stories are similar to mine, but in some cases much worse – I have been fortunate.  There are others who need so much more help and support and Different Strokes is there to help them, so for me, this was really the only cause I wanted to support.

If I was able to give any advice to a stroke survivor or their family or their carers it would be:

“Ask for help!” – you don’t need to try to do this on your own!