Sally’s Story – Haemorrhagic Stroke at 45

Prior to my stroke I was a happy, healthy 45 year old woman, who’d been married for over 20 years and with three children, aged 17, 15 and 10. I worked part time as an accountancy tutor and loved my job. I was a runner and a frequent gym user , lifting weights regularly. I truly thought I was fit and healthy.

Saturday the 12th of December 2020 was a fairly normal Saturday for me. I took my son to his football match and then went out to see my dad as it was his 70th birthday. It was mid-December and so I was feeling the stress of Christmas preparations and busyness at work. I had commented to my husband that morning that I wasn’t feeling quite right, but I couldn’t put my finger on exactly why. As it turned out I probably should have paid more attention! -as it was that night that my stroke was to happen!

My husband woke at about 4am in the morning to use the bathroom. I was awake and he casually asked me if I was OK. I thought I’d said “yes I’m fine” but he wasn’t happy with the response, so he got up and turned the light on to look at me. When the light went on I could see the terror in his eyes and he even swore. Apparently my face had dropped on one side and he could see that I’d had a stroke. He called 999 immediately. The ambulance took just over half an hour to arrive and I remember them taking me through the house and seeing my 17 year old daughter, watching and crying in the hallway. Apparently I smiled and told her it was fine and I’d be home soon! I do remember the ambulance journey. I was very frightened and sick a couple of times. The paramedics were trying to be very reassuring, explaining that I would have a scan once we got to hospital to see what was going on.

I have no memory of arriving in hospital or what happened over the next few days. My next memory was waking up, in hospital and being told I’d had brain surgery!

My stroke had been caused by a carotid artery dissection and I had required a craniotomy in order to reduce the swelling on my brain – and to save my life! I was paralysed on my left side. I remained in hospital for several weeks and now in hindsight I don’t think I really appreciated what had happened to me at all during that time. I was moved to a rehabilitation unit on New Year’s Eve 2020 and that is where the realisation really kicked in and my memory of events improves!

In a weird way I enjoyed the rehab unit. It was a light relief after the noise and chaos of a big hospital ward, and there was some proper structure to my day as well as positive action towards recovery. I treated physio like going to the gym and was determined to do well and to improve. What was not good was the fact I was there during a Covid lockdown and so I was not permitted any visitors. That was really tough, especially at weekends when there was no structured therapy to distract me. My family were allowed to come to my hospital room window and ‘visit’ me through the window, but this was less than ideal – and I actually found it more upsetting than helpful. Thank goodness for FaceTime!

It was a difficult time being separated from my family whilst also starting to appreciate properly what had happened to me – and what I had lost. I spent a lot of time thinking about things I would no longer be able to do due to my new disabilities. I could tell I was at risk of slipping into depression. Fortunately the nurses could see this too, so they referred me to the neuropsychologist on site and he began visiting me regularly to talk. Whilst I was busy crying and lamenting about how my life would change he helped me to see that I still had a future WITH my family. I just needed to adapt how I thought it would look and get used to my new circumstances. I certainly didn’t accept this straight away but over time this has proved to be the case. Under the instruction of the psychologist, I was taken outside in a wheelchair into the rehab unit’s garden daily, to simply sit and enjoy the early spring sunshine. This simple action had a hugely beneficial impact on my mental health and probably ultimately prevented my decline into depression.

It has now been three years since my stroke and my stay in the rehab unit. I’m pleased to say that I have made huge progress in that time. Once I got home and not being able to work I focused all my attention and motivation into rehab. This became my purpose. As of today I can walk around the house unaided, I go to the gym four times a week and regularly now join the family on outings.

Yes things look different to how they did. For example I have to take my walking stick and occasionally even take my I wheelchair if a lot of walking is required, but I treasure these outings and I’m incredibly grateful to still be here to enjoy them. I even went on a family holiday last year to Sardinia, which was wonderful. Yes it looked different to our previous family holidays, but I was there! My mental health is generally good, although I’m still prone to some bad days and I expect this to be the case for many years to come.

I’ve learned to cope with my bad days through distracting myself, with either a book or the television and I have some wonderful friends. They’re always there for me to message if I need support. The Different Strokes Facebook Group community has also been a huge support during my recovery. I have ‘met’ some lovely people on there and it’s been wonderful to have a space where we can chat, share experiences and occasionally even forget about stroke for a few moments.

I still have no use of my left arm or hand and therefore require carers to support me in showering and dressing every morning. I’m also not able do you get back to all the household duties I used to perform. However, fortunately my husband has stepped in to pick these up and the children have had to learn to do more. I have not been able to return to work and I miss it dreadfully, but I have started some voluntary work and find this very rewarding, but I do miss earning money! – and I am constantly thinking about what paid work I could do given that I cannot drive, and I get tired very quickly and have mobility issues – but there must be something!

Unfortunately, my relationship with my husband has strained following the stroke. However, I love him as much as ever and I am forever grateful for his love and for his support.

I am unable to drive still and l I think it is unlikely that this will ever change, so I have two support workers who work with me during the week and who drive me to the gym or other physio appointments. They also support me with any jobs I want to do around the house and have become very good friends. Yes I miss being independent but spending my time with these two wonderful ladies is not a bad alternative!

The gym has been a huge part of my recovery and a huge boost my mental health. I attend classes twice a week, that are adapted for my limitations and work, with a personal trainer twice a week and who is able to adapt exercises to suit my stroke body. I can deadlift and squat and am building good strength in my affected left leg. Although it’s still weak I use something called an ‘Active Hand’ to grip weights, as my left hand is not functional. I miss being able to go to the gym independently, but this is definitely better than nothing.

Finally, practising gratitude has become I regular habit for me and something that has become very important; to protect my mental health and my strong attitude. I now realise it’s something I didn’t practise before my stroke and so now is the time to make up for that. So, I can safely say that three years post stroke life is not as it was (and not perfect) but I do appreciate it could be a lot worse. In fact, it’s much better than I ever imagined it could be on those sad, lonely days in rehab. I’m very grateful to still be alive. I would say to anyone who has just had a stroke to stay positive and full of hope, work hard and be prepared to give it time. It’s a cliché but recovery is most definitely a marathon and not a sprint!

Your donation helps others like Sally on their journeys

There are 100,000 strokes in the UK each year with 1 in 4 happening to somebody of working age or younger. Different Strokes aims to promote independent stroke recovery and help these younger stroke survivors reclaim their lives.

Donate Learn how we help