So here goes…….put the kettle on, put your feet up – as this may take a while…

My name is Philip, or Phil as I like to be called.  I had my stroke aged 54 on 14^th December 2014 – a date, and a day that I will never forget.

It was 8:15am.  I had woken up at 8am and went downstairs for a coffee and a headache tablet – I was recovering from the annual Christmas Party for Cullum Line (our road marking business).  We had a fantastic evening, with a lobster meal was consumed, washed down with a copious amount of celebratory Brandy and cola.  It had been a prosperous year for work.  The company was in good hands after being bought the previous June.  All was looking well for the up-and-coming for 2015.  My home life was not in as good shape and I was on to my second marriage.  My first wife had given me two beautiful, wonderful children, Sacha and Ross.  They’re both great kids who have never been any trouble for me and they are my world.  There were some issues with my second wife and suffice to say my relationship was breaking down.

Back to the 14^th December and I was downstairs in the kitchen, headache tablet taken and a coffee in my hand as I made my way through to the lounge.  Whilst walking my left knee gave out a little.  I thought nothing of it and I just thought it hadn’t quite woken up yet.  My right eye felt really painful, like a sharp stabbing pain.  I was not looking forward to the day ahead and would be shopping with my wife for Christmas presents – my worst nightmare!!  My day was about to be ruined even more as my wife came into the lounge, but she seemed peeved that I was still drunk from the night before.  I was slurring and slumped over on the sofa, but not a drop of coffee was spilled. “you’re not driving me in that condition!” was the clean version of what she said, so I suggested we order a taxi.

She went through to get her coffee I had made her, when she came back she said that she thought I wasn’t right and that she thought I’d had a stroke. “Can you lift your arm up?” she said.  At this point, I knew I’d had a stroke.  Everything came together in my head.  Was I seeing myself dying?  I’m sure this isn’t how I’m meant to go.  I suggested she call a paramedic and ring Sacha and Ross and everybody else that should know.  The Ambulance arrived and it was quickly established that I’d had a stroke, but I’m was only 54? – I couldn’t understand it.

Sacha was at the local high school taking my lovely granddaughter Darcie swimming.  Luckily, they had gotten out of the pool and were in the changing room when she got the call, so they still had very wet hair.  We all got in the ambulance and I remember every bump and I made a special request that they put their lights and siren on as I’ve never gone through red lights before – my adventure began!

In the ambulance outside A&E for two minutes and then wheeled into what seemed like a loading dock as the ambulance reversed back.  I was ‘off-loaded’.  Next, I know my upper body and head went into a giant polo mint, also known as a CT scanner.  I was thrombolysed after being told that I had had a major stroke, followed by being asked “Do you know the date

I was in the Haydon stroke ward of the Norfolk and Norwich University Hospital.  I had my family all around me so I thought this must be my lot.  Nah….stuff that – I’m not going anywhere!!  It felt just like I thought it would from what I had seen on Casualty, everybody surrounds the bed and then off I pop?  The only result was that I was in bed instead of weighed down with shopping bags!  There is always an up-side, every cloud and all that!  I spoke to my wife and said she had better take my credit card and buy the Christmas presents for the kids.

I spent the night in Haydon ward. Sacha stayed with me and I didn’t get any sleep.  My mouth was so dry, so Sacha was damping my lips with a wet sponge.  My tongue was as rough as a cat’s tongue and I was worried that I may actually hack up a hairball!

A few days later I went for a ride in my bed for a chat with the nurse in another room.  I was fully drugged up and had a daft expression on my face.  I dribbled a lot and I remember wondering where all of this moisture had come from.  Sacha sat in the corner of the room, close to the window, as I sat upright in bed.  We were chatting away when I suddenly saw a giant alien /woodlice jellyfish creature crawl along the wall behind Sacha, maybe it was the revenge of the lobster?  I felt I was on the set of “One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest” and I was the star of the show.  Even I thought I was bonkers!

I was told I was going to the beach and I was thinking “Really? It’s going to be freezing, I’ve not got the right outfit for it!”   Turns out it was the other beach: Beech Ward in the Old West Norwich Hospital – 25 miles from the sea!  Beech Ward is the specialist stroke rehab ward.  Bay 1 was my first room and it was nearly Christmas.  There was hardly any snow yet and Darcie had never seen snow, so I was wishing it would snow, for her.  I acquired a little robin Christmas tree decoration that I would sit on my shoulder when Darcie came to visit.  I told her that he was looking after “Grandad Bug” – that’s what I’m known as to her as because we would go bug hunting in the garden together when I went to her house to visit – we still do.

There are six rooms on Beech Ward and as you progress, you move along the ward, closer to the exit door.  I met a fellow stroke survivor named Kevin and we got up to so much mischief on the ward, including chasing nurses in our power chairs.  The chairs got taken away from us eventually.  There were lots of other mischiefs that I dare not put on paper.  Each day the highlight was the gym and visiting hour at 2pm – my children visited every day but my wife didn’t always turn up.

Christmas Day was different – we were prescribed a tot of brandy or whiskey with our Christmas dinner, followed by carol singing and a sermon by the lady vicar – we renamed her Geraldine!  Christmas came and went; I was getting used to being hoisted to the toilet and showered by someone else – any dignity I had, well and truly vanished.  I noticed shower time was not nice – my left side was hypersensitive and anything that was too hot or cold touching me had me squealing like a piglet.  I remember it being too cold for me, so a nurse told me to stop being a diva and I grabbed the showerhead and soaked her over the curtain – I was in trouble again!

In the gym and I was making progress learning to walk again.  I could not work out the mechanics of walking, so I used to sit for hours watching people walk, trying to figure out how they did it.  In the end, my lovely physios Claire Laura and Cherry (three very patient young ladies) physically moved me along a 10m black rubber mat with a tall walking frame.  I never gave up trying and eventually, I managed a very slow and wobbly stroll.  It was my marathon – my first achievement.  I still set myself goals – every year, month, weekday, etc.

Nobody told me of the emotional side of stroke.  My stroke left me with a hormone imbalance that made me so emotional that I would cry if I thought of my children or even mentioned their names.  It was Kevin’s leaving party coming up and a few bottles of real ale were smuggled into the ward, a cake supplied, and we even cajoled the doctor. into prescribing our beer to us – and we ended up being wheeled to bed with a stern talking to from the shower nurse again – I slept well that night.

The next day I said my emotional goodbyes to Kevin.  We had really become best pals and notorious on our ward – feared by all!  When we were together there was trouble ahead, but we had such a good laugh!  Sascha and Ross brought my two dogs Marley and Radley to visit, which was fantastic; another great day for me.  Then it snowed.  Darcie was amazed as she had never seen snow before.  Her face was a picture.

Sacha kidnapped me a few days later (with permission of course) and I was taken to a local hotel just outside Norwich to watch my son-in-law Bill Downs do a singing gig.  I was greeted by lots of friends and had a great day out.  I had to be back on the ward at a set time and I kept my date with my bed.  When I got back there was a lovely note on my pillow that read:  “We hope you’ve had a lovely day out, we’ve missed you – Claire Laura and Cherry xxx” – how sweet of them!!

My goals had started and I made a promise to myself that I would not leave in a wheelchair, I would walk out of the front door when I was ready!  Leaving day arrived not too many days later, I was packed and my taxi home was ordered for 2pm.  All the Nurses and Doctors and even my lovely volunteer tea lady had lined the corridor for my long walk to the door from Bay 1.  I took my first steps sobbing all the way to the front door, my lovely caring hospital staff were sobbing too – probably as I couldn’t control my feet and I may have been walking on their toes!  Who knows?!

Back home my dogs loved me, but my wife didn’t.  I would dread 3:30 pm when she arrived home from work as she was mentally abusing me – she would shout and scream at me that I was different, I was not the man she married.  I had to leave home, so I moved to my sisters small holding farm about ten miles south of Norwich.  I have not seen or heard from my ex-wife since.

Life on the farm was great.  I loved the animals and country life but winter was coming fast.  Sacha and Ross were concerned it would be too cold for me, so they found a temporary room for me through the council.  I was miles away from my children and grandchildren (yes, grandchildren!)  – Sascha and Bill had had another beautiful girl Nancy – a new member of the bug club.

Soon after I was found a ground floor flat in Wroxham, the heart of the Norfolk broads – where I am now.  I have managed to regain my driving licence and I have acquired a Motability car, adapted so I can drive with one hand.  I am four miles from all of my family, and I manage to see at least one family member every day.  I was Introduced to Different Strokes by my son -in-law’s aunt.  She had a stroke several years ago.  I started going to our local group regularly and I have made lots of new friends.  I formed a great friendship with Eddie Pleban the Norwich Group Coordinator and we go out for lunch now and then – and share the odd half of real ale!

The Different Strokes Norwich Group has been to an activity break with the Calvert Trust several times and we are off to Calvert Kielder again this July for a week of high jinks.  Eddy and I have also booked a cruise together to see the northern lights – one off of Eddie’s bucket list Items!  Another is to go on a dog sled on arctic snow – so that’s October sorted!

Eddie suggested I apply for Different Strokes’ new position of Regional Co-ordinator for East Anglia.  I leapt at the chance as I really want to give back some of the knowledge and share my experiences with others.  My hope that some of what I have gone through, may somehow help even just one stroke survivor.  My goal is never just one and I always add one more, and I keep moving the goals closer, until I reach them, then reset the goals – it is never “Game Over” – just “Reset!”