Kirk’s Story – Stroke at 31

How it started:

I was 31 and I was a fit and healthy lad with no physical health issues apart from hay-fever and Asthma.  I was a hard working chef in my local town and well known for cooking top quality food for over fourteen years.  It was the 29 March 2020 that was the day that changed my life.  My relationship broke down with my partner at the time due to my own personal issues a month before.

Then, out of nowhere, the whole world was struck with the deadly virus and the UK went into lockdown.  I agreed to help my ex-partner with our children whilst we were in lockdown, as it wasn’t easy and I did not want my ex-partner and children to struggle on their own.  On that day in 2020 I woke up about 3.15am feeling rather sweaty and hot.  I walked down stairs to get a glass of water – and that’s when it hit me, out of nowhere.  I could only describe it as pins and needles, but all down one side of my body and face and I felt all hot and clammy.  I felt my left side completely drop.  I couldn’t grip my left hand or walk properly.  Everything after this was just a complete ‘mind blank’ as I remembered having the stroke, but not what happened after, until I come round on a hospital ward in Bristol BRI.  

I was put on obs every hour and attached to various machines.  This was so scary and I didn’t know what was going on.

I had two CT scans which come back all clear, my bloods were all clear and normal, my obs were all at 99% and the doctors were more confused than I was!  They thought I suffered nerve damage in my neck, but I hadn’t injured myself.  There were still no answers after two days and finally a consultant come round to talk and send me for an MRI scan.  This is where it all got serious for me.  I was told I’d suffered a multifocal cerebral infarct with-right frontal and right parietal lesions.

I asked what this meant and I was informed I had suffered a shower of strokes.  That’s when the emotions started.  “A stroke?”  I said, “am I going to be okay?”

 They needed to do more tests on me as I had been getting blood clots, and they were unsure where from but the test would be at a later date due to the pandemic.  So six days after being in hospital I was discharged to continue my recovery back at my mum’s house.  This is now where things went from very bad to even worse for me.  I had the community physiotherapy come out to see me, but because of the current pandemic and what was going on I was not allowed any one to one support and everyone had to stay indoors to isolate.

I was given a few bits of paper to help with walking and training and was advised to look on the Internet for tips.  My speech was still very slurred I was suffering from aphasia and at times was so difficult to get my words out.  I had constant fatigue I just wanted to sleep, all day, as well as the battle of my left side being so weak and unsteady.  I was so scared of feeling and being like this and I didn’t know what to do.

After being home for five days I started to cough up lots of blood and had pains in my chest.  I was rushed to a local hospital where I had a chest X-ray.  I was discharged a couple hours later with no answers and my X-ray being OK (so I was told), but three days later my GP rang me to tell me to isolate.  I asked why and why was I still coughing up blood, and he said my X-ray was looked over by someone that specialises in radiography and that I had contacted COVID-19.  I was told to isolate for fourteen days.  This was another battle on top of my stroke and it knocked me for six for a week. 

Recovery progress

So after I finally got over COVID my fight and battle was on.  I wanted to get myself back on my feet, recovering from the shock of my life.

I love music and it’s always been a massive part of my life, so I put music on and as soon as I hear it I can sing.  Now, suffering from aphasia, I could hardly talk, so to sing was a massive step in the right direction.

So for about five hours a day I would listen to music, sing and then I would be able to talk a little better.  I have been continuing this all the way until now, fourteen months later.  I still struggle with my speech at times, and even more when I’m anxious or tired.

Now, about my walking, it all started with baby steps and no rushing!  There are stairs at my mum’s so I would use the 2 bottom steps as my recovery goal.  Day by day I would just walk up the first step, and then the second step and back down again.  I did this about four times a day for two months to help build the muscles in my leg and train my brain to climb and walk.  Of course there were a few trips and falls, but I never gave up – I was determined to climb to the top!

At three months post stroke and I finally did it, from the bottom to the top with no help from anyone, just myself!  That’s also when my walking started to get better.  I would go and walk around the garden and walk back in this was a massive improvement to where I was just three months before.  Again, music played a massive part.

So at six months in I could walk, I could talk better – and the progress is beginning to show.

Eating and hand exercise

Next was tackling my eating and my grip in my left hand.  I’d been a chef for sixteen years, in and around my home town Weston-Super-Mare.  I loved cooking from a very young age, but since my stroke I’ve struggled to eat due to poor appetite, and lack of interest as my brain is so foggy, as well as my grip in my left hand being so poor.  So I started (3 times a day) to do a little task I call ‘thumb to each finger;.  It took me a while to get used to, but after a month I was able to do this more quickly and more easily, and as picking things up with my left hand got better before I saw I was finally making progress on getting my strength and grip back.  I started to cook more and now I’m eating twice a day, every day.

Mental health problems

It all started seven months after my stroke.  My mood was low, I was struggling to come to terms with my stroke recovery, I was always tired and I’d started to experience pain in my left leg and hand.  I was living on my mum’s sofa due to the relationship break up, so I had been unable to work, find a home and live on such little income.  Trying to cope with my emotions was very hard.  I would cry over nothing, get angry over nothing and I tried on many occasions to end my life because I had just had enough and I wanted to give up on life because I didn’t know how to control my emotions.  I was put under the mental health act and I’m working with my support workers on building myself back up and doing a structural clinical management plan. I’d never been like this before my stroke, so I can only put my actions and behaviour down to the damage from the stroke. 

Fourteen months post stroke and where I am now

Okay so it’s been 14 months post stroke, I’m walking, I’m talking, my confidence is better than ever,  I’m eating and I’m engaging with all my support workers and my GP.  I’ve not tried to take my life because I’ve come to realise my life and importance – and I feel needed and I am loved and supported by many friends and family.  My confidence is the best it’s ever been and my physical and mental health is nearly where it should be.  My only struggles are the pain in my leg and feeling tired all the time.  Other than that I’m doing amazing!  I’ve had a letter to say that they have found a very large hole in my heart going across my left to right shunt and I need to have it operated on.  I am on the waiting list for funding and awaiting my operation.  A year in March just gone my partner decided to do a lovely surprise and called it “reborn day”, to not look back on the negatives of the stroke, but to remember what happened and to use the anniversary as a reborn day.  So now I have two birthdays a year and something so special my partner did and does will stay with me for the rest of my life.  I’ve also got myself a job interview this week, fifteen months after my stroke.  I feel ready to get back to work and get my life back on track after such a traumatic and difficult year.  I’m doing amazing and I’m so proud to be where I am now and to be able to talk openly and honestly about stroke and help others that have been through, or are doing through it. 

I just want to thank my kids for being amazing little humans and lifting my spirits – every day!  I also want to thank their mum for being the best mum I could ever wish for to my boys.  She has had to bring my boys up on her own, without my help due to me being unwell mentally and physically.  I’ve lost fourteen months of not being supportive myself towards my kids, but now I’ve got the rest of my life to make it up to them.  Thanks also to my new partner Kate for being so caring, understanding and helping me with my ongoing recovery and all the support she has given me; the strength and the courage has been amazing – and I love you with all my heart – and finally my ma and dad for all there help and support – and just being the best parents I could ever wish for.  

It’s not been easy for anyone seeing me like this but if it wasn’t for their support I would not be where I am today.  I’ve also set up a gofund me page to help me get a life changing operation I desperately need and you can read more about that here.  My name’s Kirk Godbeer, I am a stroke survivor and I am proud of who I am and my battles I’ve overcome to be where I am today. Thank you for taking the time to read my story.