I had my transient ischaemic attack (TIA or ‘mini-stroke’) in 2018, when I was 26.  Then, I was finishing a masters in the summer 2018 in Sweden (my parents are from Istanbul, Turkey) and was living with friends in a shared flat. It was during a long and stressful time when I finished writing my masters thesis.  I remember it was a passive and unhealthy period in my life; recently broke up, alone abroad, terrible eating and smoking habits….. I didn’t care much about my lifestyle because I was still young and at that time I had convinced myself that this was transient and I would get back to eating healthy, exercising and be ‘outdoorsy’ again very soon.

It was late afternoon on a Wednesday (I have the details of the date/time thanks to an event on that day published on social media that I was going to) and I was planning to go to a ping pong pub with a friend later in the evening.  Still having a lot of time before I had to leave, I sat down and got to playing the harmonica.  It wasn’t long before I had a bad headache that got worse with time.  I rarely have headaches, so I couldn’t compare it to anything, or make anything of it, but it was bad.  Shortly after, I had a black dot in front of one of my eyes (cannot remember which one and silly me carried on playing the harmonica).  The black dot gradually grew and I almost lost sight in one of my eyes.  That is when I wanted to lie down for a while because my headache was getting out of control.  I remember lying down briefly, but I couldn’t sleep because of the headache and anxiety.  I had no clue what the reason for that would be but I blamed playing the harmonica because I would often go out of breath from constantly blowing.

Later in the evening, I indeed went to the pub with my friend.  She says I was strange that night and I didn’t really talk much.  I remember being very confused and so tired that evening,  I couldn’t play ping pong or anything and wanted my friend to take me back home.  I also remember losing my sense of place and a lot of confusion.  I was perplexed that night and don’t remember much about it.  I didn’t speak with anyone and went to bed straight away.  My headache was still there but I was so tired that somehow I could sleep.

Luckily enough, my memory of the next morning is crystal clear.  I woke up very early with a terrible headache.  My sight was partially back but the confusion was still there, and now with a slight balance issue.  Later I learned from my friend that my balance was also terrible the night before, which I don’t remember, as she tells me I was stumbling and doing ‘zig-zags’ on the way home.  She thought I was drunk!  Anyway, the next morning I wanted to shake it off (whatever it was), changed to my exercise outfit and headed for an outdoor boulder in the middle of a public park for an early morning exercise.  That was the only exercise I was doing back then hence I was determined to go.  It was a five minute distance from home, but on the way to the park, I realised that I remembered so little from the night before that I wanted to check my phone for missed calls and messages and the news.  I was already in the park when I realised I couldn’t neither read my messages nor the news or even anything on my phone screen.  I could see letters and words, and I knew it had to make sense, but my brain couldn’t process.  That is when I realised something was seriously wrong.

I wanted to call my dad and let him know about it, and that they should check in with me during the rest of the day.  I remember suddenly becoming really nervous; I feared for my life, I was afraid whatever this was would stay with me forever.  Before I called my dad, I wanted to practice what I would possibly say without them getting too worried.  Actually, I also wanted to practice what I would say without crying because I was so nervous and me crying would also worry them a lot.  They are not used to it.  That is when I realised I could not speak properly neither.  I am so pig-headed, I still did a brief round of bouldering before calling it off (couldn’t manage it anyway), and got back home with wet eyes without ringing my parents.  My headache was back when I returned and I slept the entirety of that the following day in my room, only to wake up for food and to go to the toilet.  On Friday (two days after the stroke), I only had mild balance issues and some fatigue as I remember, but my reading and speaking abilities seemed back to normal, which calmed me down.